"The Football"" Survival Kit


The ultimate tool for gentlemen in pursuit of the perfect evening. All we ask is that you don't fumble it. Everything you want, combined with everything you didn't know you'd need.

This isn’t sport related..at least not on purpose. But, a “football” is what they call the briefcase that contains the top secret authorization codes for a President to launch a nuclear attack. You’ve seen it in the movies or like every season of 24. But this “football” is for “getting a party started”. A “pre-game”, if you will. Instead of red envelopes containing protocol information, it contains items such as a bottle of Grey Goose, a bottle of Patron, Red Bull cans, and mints, just to name a few.

It’s gonna run you about $500, and you can probably only use it once before you have to replenish all the contents, but imagine how cool it would be to pop this bad boy open if you were somehow stuck in an elevator with like 4 hot chicks. Or if you crash landed on a deserted island and you survived along with like 4 hot chicks. I guess this is only worth the price tag if you were in some uniquely awful situation involving hot chicks. Of course, if you were in the deserted island scenario, it would probably be more beneficial if you had a briefcase containing flares, a compass, survival items like that instead of stuff that’ll just aid in quicker dehydration.
 
In the aftermath of the Cuban Missile Crisis, the government saw the need to have a nuclear decision making tool at the ready. JFK nicknamed it The Football for an operation code-named "Dropkick" and the name stuck. Today it is reborn, as the ultimate tool for gentlemen in pursuit of the perfect evening.
All we ask is that you don't fumble it.
 
BOOZE
The cornerstone to any succesful Bachelor Party. Tequila for enthusiastic toasts, & Vodka for everything else...
 
CARDS
Any man worth his salt should be handy with a deck of cards, you never know when you'll meet new friends who want to "play".
 
RED BULL
Who says the party has to stop at sunrise? Who knows? You might find yourself needing a little boost to figure out where you are.
 
CASH
Plenty of room in here for singles. Fill it up before you head out so you're ready to tip your cab drivers or "entertainment"
 
MINTS
Nothing ends a lapdance faster than booze-breath. Also handy for freebasing later when you run out of meth...
 
FIRST AID
TUMS and Advil are here to make sure that cheesesteak sandwich behaves and that your head doesn't explode in the morning.

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